Classic Parenting Secrets

Simple things matter.  Young children want their parent’s attention. This is why good behavior, appropriately praised, tends to be repeated - the child knows that the parent will take the time to tell the child that they are pleased.  Sometimes, children go to extremes of bad behavior (for example, shouting or tantrums) in an attempt to get their parents to pay attention.Every day, your child needs your undivided attention.  This might be for as brief a period as five minutes - but it has to be time totally devoted to them.  Reading the newspaper and half-heartedly listening to your child doesn’t count!  You have to show that you are concentrating just on them.  It might be that you are completely absorbed by what they are saying or doing - or you’re answering their questions.  You just have to be engaging with them completely.  One obvious opportunity is at the end of the school day, when you ask how they got on - and really try to understand the importance of what they have to say.

I believe that parents can establish and maintain control over children without shouting or becoming angry. 
Not only is it possible, but I think it is highly desirable that parents use only gentle measures when raising their children.  The spin-off effects include a better rapport between the generations, a warm, relaxed atmosphere in the home and a great likelihood that the closeness will continue as the child grows into adulthood.

It is essential to establish authority, such that a child understands that when a parent issues an instruction, the matter is settled.  The parent must fulfill the role of a parent, and not abdicate their responsibility in the hope of becoming a “friend” to their child.
Some parents feel that the modern way of bringing up children requires reasoning and debate with their child in all matters.  I would say that for the important decisions, the parents must make the decision and simply tell the child the outcome.

This is because if children find that by arguing or demonstrating, they may change the parent’s decision, they will not accept the parent’s decision as the final word.  It is essential for a parent to be firm in their resolve to abide by a decision.  This requires some determination initially, if a child has been accustomed to getting their own way.  But even children who have become accustomed to pleading for a change in their parent’s decisions will soon drop this habit once they find the parent has a new attitude and that bargaining now never succeeds.  Children who never, from the beginning, find any success in arguing with their parents, won’t ever attempt to change a decision once the parents have made it.

Obedience can be obtained through entirely gentle measures.  This specifically excludes physical punishment, or threats of future pain or humiliation (or frightening a child with potential “supernatural” consequences).  While the non-gentle approach to promote obedience can produce rapid results in terms of a child’s short-term behavior, it is always at the cost of either mental or physical pain or loss of self esteem (for either or both parties).

Gentle measures require a greater use of the parent’s patience and imagination than non-gentle methods, but maintain a more harmonious relationship and foster mutual respect.  Gentle approaches to encouraging good behavior are endlessly varied in form, dependant on each case, but there are many common themes:
You must choose the right time. The most effective time to attempt to modify a child’s behavior may not be immediately after they have been disobedient.  A child is more receptive to instruction on how to make decisions, how to make the right choice and how to behave when in a calm state of mind.
Establishing a close connection of affection and sympathy between the parent and the child before making any comments on behavior will create a more profound effect.
Using non-confrontational language is likely to encourage the child to listen to what you are saying rather than try to simply defend their actions.
The use of a story: stories may enable a child to revisit a recent event in their own life from a different perspective.  This can encourage the child to consider their actions in the way desired by the parents, without causing the child to feel guilty.
Time to think: allowing a child time to reflect upon a story will encourage them to find the moral in the tale, which you can then discuss.
The purpose of using a calm and considerate approach to training children is to create an impulse in the right direction of a child’s thinking such that rapid improvements in character are bound to follow.  There is a cascading effect of improved awareness by the child of the effects of their behavior on others and an increasing ability to see things from another person’s perspective - one of the necessary characteristics of maturity.

I have three children and I aim to do everything I can to ensure they will grow up to be happy and healthy. Like other parents, I want my children to make the most of whatever opportunities life has to offer, but also to be responsible and compassionate towards others. There are many different approaches to child rearing and some modern methods appear quite complicated, using lists of rules and charts or tables. I think there is a simpler, gentler way than this – like it was before the term parenting was even invented. This article explains how the parent’s attitude is the first step in ensuring good behavior by the child.

The best piece of advice I ever read about ensuring a child behaves well, was: “make the child love you, then simply be, in his presence, what you want him to be.”

If you already enjoy a good relationship, there may be no need to “make the child love you” – you simply set the example you want the child to follow. But for anyone who suspects there is room for improvement, here’s the answer to the question: How do you make your child love you?

It all begins with you. If you love yourself and are comfortable in your own company, you radiate a certain calmness. A simple affirmation along the lines of “I like myself, I feel good about my life” can be a starting point, but this is the subject of another article. When you have a positive attitude about yourself, it becomes much easier to cultivate a positive attitude towards your child. This involves simply expecting them to do well, being happy to spend time in their company and showing pride in their achievements. Routinely look for the good in them and praise it. If you have the habit of regularly thinking about all the things that make your child special, fun to be with, and why you are so glad to be their parent, it shows. Your attitude, your love for them, comes across in all sorts of unintentional, unconscious ways. The child takes this to heart and is subconsciously encouraged to obtain further approval through good behavior. There are many intangible things which show a child that they are loved and accepted just as they are. For instance, whenever your child approaches you, you automatically smile at them. They can tell you’re glad to see them and happy to spend a little time with them. Contrast this with the father who is interrupted reading the newspaper and looks up with an irritated expression. He doesn’t have to actually say the words “What do you want?” for the child to feel the rejection. A smile would have given the child a boost; the frown makes him uneasy. The newspaper is obviously far more important than he is. A few moments spent being genuinely interested in the child’s play or concerns goes a long way to nurturing a bond which is the basis for the child wanting to emulate the parent.

Many parents naturally have a positive attitude towards themselves and their children. It shows in the relaxed, warm relationship they enjoy with their kids.

Once the child is secure in the knowledge that on a deep, fundamental level, they are loved - the job is half done. The other half is entirely down to how the parent conducts themselves. Kindness, respect for others and patience can all be learned by a child without any formal lessons, just so long as the parent is consistent in their own behavior and sets the example they wish their children to follow. There are only a few rules, top of the list being: don’t let your child see you lose your cool. Never lie to your children or say something in their hearing which they know not to be true. If correction is required, speak to your child gently, in private if possible, and certainly not in a fit of temper. A child who loves and respects his parents naturally wants to emulate them; all you have to do is make sure you behave in the way you want your child to behave.

Welcome to WordPress. This is your first post. Edit or delete it, then start blogging!