Extract 4 from:
A
mother may indulge her children as much as she pleases; but she must govern
them.
A
great deal is said sometimes about the evils of indulgence in the management of
children; and so far as the condemnation refers only to indulgence in what is
injurious or evil, it is doubtless very just. But the harm is not in the
indulgence itself - that is, in the act of affording gratification to the child
- but in the injurious or dangerous nature of the things indulged in. It seems
to me that children are not generally indulged enough. They are thwarted and
restrained in respect to the gratification of their harmless wishes a great deal
too much. Indeed, as a general rule, the more that children are gratified in
respect to their childish fancies and impulses, and even their caprices, when no
evil or danger is to be apprehended, the better.
When,
therefore, a child asks, “May I do this?” or, “May I do that?” the
question for the mother to consider is not whether the thing proposed is a wise
or a foolish thing to do - that is, whether it would be wise or foolish for her,
if she, with her ideas and feelings, were in the place of the child - but only
whether there is any harm or danger in it; and if not, she should give her ready
and cordial consent.
Antagonism
between Free Indulgence and Absolute Control.
There
is no necessary antagonism, nor even any inconsistency, between the freest
indulgence of children and the maintenance of the most absolute authority over
them. Indeed, the authority can be most easily established in connection with
great liberality of indulgence. At any rate, it will be very evident, on
reflection, that the two principles do not stand at all in opposition to each
other, as is often vaguely supposed. Children may be greatly indulged, and yet
perfectly governed. On the other hand, they may be continually checked and
thwarted, and their lives made miserable by a continued succession of vexations,
restrictions, and refusals, and yet not be governed at all.
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