Extract 2 on:
"How
to establish parental authority and
develop morality in children."
A
child may learn to become obedient to his parents' instructions either through
gentle measures, (which tend to exert a calming, quieting, and soothing
influence on the mind) or harsh measures (which tend to hurt, irritate or to
cause the child to become agitated or anxious).
Avoid
Harsh Measures - All Three Degrees of Violence:
1.
Physical Punishment First,
there is the infliction of bodily pain. There
is no doubt that there may sometimes be an appearance of short term
effectiveness in such treatment to correct or cure a fault. But measures like
these, whether successful or not, shock the child's whole nervous system,
sometimes with the excitement of pain and terror, and always, probably, with
that of resentment and anger. It is
impossible, perhaps, to know with certainty whether permanent ill effects follow
in such cases or not. At any rate, such a remedy is a violent one and to be
avoided at all costs.
2.
The Frightening System.
There is a second grade of violence involving the imagination, by
suggesting to the child images of phantoms, hobgoblins, and other frightful
monsters, whose ire, it is pretended, is greatly excited by the misdeeds of
children, and who come in the night-time to take them away, or otherwise visit
them with terrible retribution. Although,
by these various modes of exciting imaginary fears, there is no direct and
outward infliction of bodily suffering, the effect produced on the delicate
organization of the brain by such excitements is violent in the extreme.
3. Harsh Reproofs and Threatenings.
There is a third, more common mode of treatment, which, though milder, is
still classed among the violent measures, on account of its operation and
effects. It consists of stern and harsh rebukes, intended to awaken feelings of
alarm and distress in the mind of the child, as a means of promoting repentance
and reformation. The effects produced are sometimes quite traumatic, perhaps
later causing the child to wake in the night with an indefinable feeling of
anxiety and terror, and come to the mother’s bedside to seek protection and
relief from distress
Instead
- opt for The Gentle Method of Treatment.
We now
come to the gentle measures which may be adopted. They are endlessly varied in
form, dependant on each case, but many have common themes:
Choosing
the Right Time.
The most effective time to attempt to modify a child's behavior may not
be immediately after they have been disobedient.
A child in a contented and happy frame of mind is more receptive to
gentle instruction on how to make decisions, how to make the right choice and
how to behave. Establishing as close
a connection as possible of affection and sympathy between the parent and the
child before making any comments on behavior will create a more profound effect
using non-confrontational language.
The
use of a Story:
stories may be used to enable a child to revisit a recent event in their
own life from a different perspective - and can encourage the a child to
consider their actions in the way desired by the parents, without causing the
child to feel guilty.
Time
to think : allowing a child time
to reflect upon a story will encourage them to find the moral in the tale, which
you can then discuss.
Remember
- each is Only a Single Lesson, after all.
Even a very good lesson, is still only one lesson. There may be
many ahead. But a lesson given by
this gentle method (as one who knows any thing of the workings of the infantile
mind knows) can create an impulse in the right direction of a child's thinking
such that rapid improvements in character are bound to follow - far greater than
could have been effected by any of the other, harsh, methods of management
previously described.
The
complete book gives many and varied examples of how to choose the best time for
gentle instruction, the form a story should take and how to encourage a child to
recognize how they should behave in a future, similar situation.
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